A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink.  The bartender says: "No way.  I don't think you can pay for it.

The guy says, "You're right.  I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?”  The bartender says, "Only if what you show me ain't risquι."

"Deal!" says the guy, reaches into his coat pocket, and pulls out a hamster.  He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, climbs down the bar, runs across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing a tune.  And the hamster is really good.

The bartender says, "You're right.  I've never seen anything like that before.  That hamster is truly good on the piano.”  The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.  "Money or another miracle, or else no drink,” says the bartender.

The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog.  He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing.  He has a marvelous voice and great pitch.  A fine singer.

A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog.  The guy says, "It's a deal.”  He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog.  The stranger runs out of the bar.

Did you hear about the banker who was recently arrested for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughter's college education?

"What is that sound?" a woman asked at our nature center.

"It's the frogs trilling for a mate," Patti, the naturalist, explained. "We have a pair in the science room. But since they've been together for so long, they no longer sing to each other."

I had worked late, and my Labrador was so overjoyed to see me arrive home that he jumped up just as I leaned down. Our heads collided, and I sported an impressive shiner for several weeks.

I had to repeat frequently to co-workers and friends how I came by it, and one day on the elevator, a secretary whom I hadn't seen for some time looked at my black eye and ex claimed, "My goodness, what happened to you?"

"The dog did it," I wearily replied.

A man standing next to us looked over at me and said knowingly, "Ahh, you must own a boxer."

Source for all jokes: ahajokes.com

Before boarding a bus, a man asked the driver, "What is the fare to the train station?"

"Sixty cents," said the driver.

As the bus pulled away the man raced alongside it until the next stop. When the doors opened again he gasped, "How much is the fare now?"

The wise old Mother Superior was dying.  The nuns gathered around her bed, trying to make her comfortable.  They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it.  Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen.  Remembering a bottle of whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips.  Mother drank a little, then a little more, then before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.

Mother, Mother" the nuns cried, "Give us some wisdom before you die!"

She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and pointing out the window, she said,

A man was sleeping soundly when his wife shook him and said, "Wake up, someone is breaking in!"

The man had gone through this same scenario almost every night of his marriage, and he knew that the only way he would get any rest was to get up and go check it out.

This time, however, he found that there really was a man with a gun who entered to rob the house!

As the thief was about to flee the man said, "Stop! You have to come with me and meet my wife."

Surprised, the thief turned around abruptly and said, "Why would you want ME to meet your wife?"